Kenyan Weddings

Mwalimu Sylvia is one of our teachers. I wrote about her and gave a little of her background two weeks ago. She is a young, modern, beautiful Kenyan. She has been married for five years. Her husband is a police officer and they have a three year old son that began school last week. Friday we spent part of our class talking about customs. I had wanted to ask her about dowries, but hesitated to do so thinking it might be impolite. She brought up the subject herself. This is what we learned.

A traditional wedding supersedes a church wedding. At least in her tribe, a traditional wedding consists of the man going before the woman’s extended family to meet them and get their approval. Once he receives the family’s blessing, they are considered married.

Next comes the negotiation of the dowry or bride price, but it doesn’t necessarily come immediately. Sometimes the woman must prove that she is a good wife and can produce sons. The husband must reimburse the bride’s family for her loss of labor. Tradition allows that a woman can be returned to her family at any time before the dowry is paid, but once it is paid “her dish is broken” and there is no longer any place for her in her parent’s home.

Sylvia’s husband was in the process of negotiating her bride price, when her father-in-law passed away. Due to funeral financial obligations, the bargaining had to come to a halt. She expects that her dowry will be about 17 cows, the cost of her university education, and a few other items.

There is even a difference in terminology for marriage based upon one’s gender. A man may marry (-oa), but a woman gets married (-olewa).

Most Kenyans want a church wedding. If finances allow, they will have a church wedding, but the majority cannot afford to do so.

As a sign of respect, a husband cannot be in close quarters with his mother-in-law. If they are in a large home, they can be together in the living room, but he may not enter the bathroom or bedroom. The same is true of the wife with her father-in-law. Neither can spend the night at their in-laws home, only the child of the parent can spend the night. The only time a mother can physically touch her son-in-law is at this ceremony.