Healing of Memories

Talk about going from one extreme to another. Today at lunch we had the opportunity to hear a guest speaker, Father Michael Lapsley. He is an Anglican priest originally from New Zealand. He moved to South Africa in the 1970s. In the late 1970s he was banned from South Africa and was on their hit list. While living in Zimbabwe, he was sent a letter bomb by the South African government. It was hidden between two religious magazines. As a result he lost both hands, an eye, and his eardrum was shattered.

His message was that all people have a story to tell. Every story needs a listener. This is even more essential when a traumatic event has occurred. He said that even as the bomb was exploding he felt God's presence. The Scripture promise of "I am with you always" was being kept.

He had traveled extensively working for human rights before the bomb. As a result, he received numerous messages of love, support and encouragement from around the world. Because of this encouragement, he was able to heal not only physically but emotionally.

"Quite early on after the bomb I realised that if I was filled with hatred and desire for revenge I’d be a victim forever."

He felt he was able to heal emotionally because his experience was recognized, acknowledged, and given reverence. Acknowledgment is more than knowing or realizing something has happened. It is admitting at the deepest level that a wrong was done. This step is essential for healing. When abuse or a traumatic event occurs the perpetrator has inverted the moral order. (S)he in action or word told the victim that what happened to them is their (the victim's fault). Not true at all!

When an evil is done on a personal level, there are response three stages: victim, survivor, and hopefully victor. In the victim stage something awful has happened. Many people don't get beyond the victim stage. Those people ultimately become victimizers who do terrible things to others lashing out because they have been so hurt. In order to leave victimhood behind, the survivor needs acknowledgment by themselves and others of what has happened. Only then can they begin to put the awful event behind them. A victor is able to reclaim their lives. They are no longer an object that something happened to, but an active subject able to move on.

In order to heal, one needs to reveal. If past events are buried, they fester until they erupt. The burden of these events never goes away no matter how much one tries to ignore them. The past must be acknowledged, but we can't let ourselves become a prisoner of that past.

Forgiveness is a choice. It is a journey where you begin to look again toward the future.

He views interfaith dialogue as the future for the world. We must work toward an interfaith journey in which we must reference, reflect and receive from one another.

We can't be human by ourselves. To be fully human we need other.

He has since returned and become a South African citizen. After apartheid he worked for the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Witnesses who were victims of gross human rights violations were invited to give statements about their experiences. This commission heard reports of human rights violations and considered amnesty to perpetrators of violence.

If you'd like to find out more about Father Michael Lapsley and his Institute for Healing of Memories take a look at his website www.healingofmemories.co.za