Kenyan Weddings

Mwalimu Sylvia is one of our teachers. I wrote about her and gave a little of her background two weeks ago. She is a young, modern, beautiful Kenyan. She has been married for five years. Her husband is a police officer and they have a three year old son that began school last week. Friday we spent part of our class talking about customs. I had wanted to ask her about dowries, but hesitated to do so thinking it might be impolite. She brought up the subject herself. This is what we learned.

A traditional wedding supersedes a church wedding. At least in her tribe, a traditional wedding consists of the man going before the woman’s extended family to meet them and get their approval. Once he receives the family’s blessing, they are considered married.

Next comes the negotiation of the dowry or bride price, but it doesn’t necessarily come immediately. Sometimes the woman must prove that she is a good wife and can produce sons. The husband must reimburse the bride’s family for her loss of labor. Tradition allows that a woman can be returned to her family at any time before the dowry is paid, but once it is paid “her dish is broken” and there is no longer any place for her in her parent’s home.

Sylvia’s husband was in the process of negotiating her bride price, when her father-in-law passed away. Due to funeral financial obligations, the bargaining had to come to a halt. She expects that her dowry will be about 17 cows, the cost of her university education, and a few other items.

There is even a difference in terminology for marriage based upon one’s gender. A man may marry (-oa), but a woman gets married (-olewa).

Most Kenyans want a church wedding. If finances allow, they will have a church wedding, but the majority cannot afford to do so.

As a sign of respect, a husband cannot be in close quarters with his mother-in-law. If they are in a large home, they can be together in the living room, but he may not enter the bathroom or bedroom. The same is true of the wife with her father-in-law. Neither can spend the night at their in-laws home, only the child of the parent can spend the night. The only time a mother can physically touch her son-in-law is at this ceremony.

Kenyan American English Dictionary

I suppose it is because we are so focused on language, but I have been noticing differences in vocabulary and terminology even when speaking in English. I am also motivated by the fact that soon I will probably be teaching and I need students to be able to understand what I am saying. My American accent will hamper them enough. I thought it would be fun to share some of my discoveries with you in Cindy’s Kenyan English Dictionary.

We’ll start with a few words:
chips = French fries
innerwear = underwear
queue here = form a line here
rubber = eraser
washroom = room with toilet and sink only
bafu = room to take shower
wash = wash hand, face, and legs
bathe = wash entire body
hoot = honk horn
car park = parking lot
zebra crossing = pedestrian crosswalk
trolley = shopping cart
look sharp = look nice, well dressed

Now let’s move on to some sentences.
I read in Niarobi. = I studied there. I went to school there.
Let’s give a clap. = Let’s give them a hand, let’s applaud for them.
Are we together? = Does everyone understand?
He’s eating money. = He’s taking money (in reference to a politician’s corruption).
Since it’s eating up your mind let’s review. = It is confusing you, you don’t understand so let’s go over it again.
Do you fear them? = Are you afraid of them?
Let’s go and take tea. = It’s time for tea break. Let’s go have some tea.
The phone cries. The door cries = They make high pitched noises.
Did you jump? = This was said when one of us read the wrong answer. It means did you lose your place?
My husband went to pick him. = My husband went to pick him up from school.
The school provides transport. = The school provides transportation.
It was sweet. = It was tasty, not it was sweet and yummy with a lot of sugar.
Use words like this to make conversation more delicious. = Make the conversation more interesting and longer.
My thinking is destructed. = I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.
Allow me to rub here. = Allow me to erase this part of the board.
They abuse it. = They don’t use it correctly. They mistreat the machine.
Did you revise your lesson? = Did you study last night?
Is what? = What do you mean? I don’t understand.
I slept late = I went to bed late last night. That’s exactly the opposite of what we mean when we say it!
Verbs can never hang alone. = Verbs can never stand alone, they must have subject prefixed added to them.
The road will branch. = The road will divide.
I won't restrict you. = I won't stop you. I won't limit you to that.
I have a small heart. = I cry easily for others. I'm worried about them. (We would say they have a big heart.)
I expect you to be picking from them. = I expect you to be learning from them.

They have two sayings that sum up their attitude about time.
Polepole ndia mwendo. = Slowly, slowly is the journey.
Polepole ya kobe humfikisha mbali. = The slowness of the tortoise enables him to go far. In other words, don’t get in a hurry. People are more important than being on time and getting tasks done. Who says we don’t have things to learn from Kenyans?

New Friends

One of the benefits of living at a hostel is that you eat family style. The tables are set up for four people so you get a chance to visit with many people while you are eating. Our school, ACK Language School, also has students from many different places. I thought I’d share with you some of the stories of people we have met the past two weeks.

Last night we ate with Professor Jae from South Korea. He is a political science professor from Gyeongsang National University. South Korea is just entering into the realm of international NGOs (non governmental organizations or aid organizations). He is on a trip to Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda with a graduate student to collect data about the effectiveness of NGOs. He studied in America (as they call the US) to obtain in Master’s degree. We decided that we are long- lost siblings because we were born in the same year. He has no sister and I have no brother.

This week two seminarians shared several meals with us, Edwin and Fredrick. They have been with a Spanish priest for five years. This priest has been in Africa for several years and has established a formation house for young men wanting to join the priesthood. There are several younger boys who are completing secondary school with the intention of becoming priests. Both young men are studying theology and philosophy as they prepare to enter university next year. The left early yesterday morning to return to their archdiocese. It would be at least an eight hour trip in their pickup depending on the condition of the roads. They were great help at correcting our broken Kiswahali phrases. I’m sure that had many chuckles after they left the dining hall.

Faustina is a doctor from Tanzania studying English at British University here in Nairobi. She earned her medical degree in Italy and can speak fluent Italian. However, she needs to learn English to communicate in hospitals. Her English is just a little bit better than our Kiswahali. So, it has been good practice for all of us. We struggle to understand one another. Mary is great at initiating conversation along her English-Kiswahali dictionary as support. I’m listening, recognizing words and entering into the conversation once in a while.

We met another lady from Tanzania whose husband is a doctor that works in Southern Sudan for the UN. He came home for the Christmas holiday, got pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. She came to take care of him while he is in the hospital. Her husband was released from the hospital on Friday, but must stay in Nairobi for another week since he needs to see the doctor again at the end of the week. They are living apart because she is not allowed to enter Sudan.

Peter is a young man we have often visited with at school during our chai breaks. He is from the Dinka tribe in Southern Sudan. He was in the army for nine years, but left to get an education. He is currently studying English and hoping to be admitted to a university next year. All of his brothers have been killed in the fighting, but his parents are still alive. It seems that there is a large Sudanese population in Kenya. This last week several more Sudanese students started school. We noticed in Friday’s paper that the Sudanese embassy was holding a cultural festival this week in Nairobi.

Evelyn is a civil servant in Nairobi. She is on leave from her job for several weeks and is attending language school to study Kikuyu (a tribal language). She is hoping for a promotion and will need to speak Kikyyu in the village so people can understand her.
Mwalimu Bill is one of our teachers. He has taught at ACK for over ten years. We don’t know much about his background, but he owns a tailor shop downtown with three tailors. He says it is impossible to raise a family on a teacher’s salary and you must have a second job. He spends his Saturdays supervising the shop.
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Mwalimu Sylvia is our other teacher. She is only twenty-six years old and is the second born in her family. Polygamy is common in most of Africa. Her mother had four girls. Her father was pressured into setting aside her mother to marry someone else in order to have sons. The new wife had two daughters and a son and Sylvia’s mother had a son next and then another daughter. The two wives did not live in the same compound, but in different villages. Her mother worked to save money to educate her children. As young as she is, Sylvia is the head of the English department in our school.

John’s birthday was this last week and we were able to celebrate in style. He woke up to a huge card covering our doorway thanks to the late night efforts of Mary, the other MKLM with us. We learned how to sing happy birthday in class: siku ya kuzaliwa (repeat four times). Mary arranged with Rafel, our dining room attendant to have a birthday cake for lunch. John was surprised and the rest of the diners enjoyed a special treat. After class we stopped at a hotel we pass by every day. One of the other missioners had recommended it as a nice place to enjoy beautiful gardens and a drink. We sat outside near waterfalls and enjoyed our raspberry shake and smoothies. Click here if you’d like to see some photos of his birthday as well as some street scenes of Nairobi.

First Days in Nairobi

The school we are attending is the ACK (Anglican Church of Kenya) Language School. It was formed in 1965 to train missionaries to study languages. It seems that there are only four students learning Kiswahali this term. Most students are studying English. It is so interesting to visit with other students during breaks. We have met people from Sudan, Democratic Republic of Congo, Korea, Indonesia, Chad, Australia, Togo, Libya, Somalia and Cameroon.

Our hostel is also multi-ethnic. We’ve talked to people from Tanzania, Italy, Spain, Scotland, and Germany.

We knew we wouldn’t get much rest over the weekend because we were going to have in country orientation. Russ, the regional coordinator, and Coralis (in Mombasa) were flying in to meet with us along with Vikki (who is in Nairobi. It was quite a weekend.

We first met Russ Friday evening. John and I were in our room giving our brains a rest from the Kiswahali lessons when there was a knock on the door. Since the usual person who knocks is Mary whose room is right next door, we hollered, “Come on in.” There was a hesitation, so we guessed it wasn’t Mary. Instead a questioning voice asked, “John and Cindy?” It was Russ. He had arrived in town was staying here at Flora and came to meet us. We had a delightful evening sharing supper and talking about Kenya.


Saturday morning Coralis came to pick us up to go over to Vikki’s house for our meeting. It was business during the meeting, but as you can tell from the photo, we had a nice lunch at Java House. It is a popular place for expats to gather for a cup of coffee or meal. There are several in Nairobi.

Sunday was a fun day. We meet and went to a Kiswahili Mass. We were able to catch a word here and there. Since it was a rainy day, plans were revised and we went to an upscale shopping center for the afternoon. It was nice to get a chance to visit and learn more about Kenya, the people we will be working with, possible ministries and placements.


Here are some things that we have learned during our first week in Kenya:
• If you can hear a mosquito buzzing you don’t have to worry. Only the females bite and they don’t buzz. (That sure helps get you back to sleep in the middle of the night when you hear buzzing.)
• How to tie mosquito netting up during the day so you can still sit on your bed and work.
• Dates are written with the day first, then the month, and finally the year. For example today is 12/01/2010.
• How to text message. Due to the expense, we had never used text messaging. Katrina is thrilled that we can text her.
• How to use an USB stick for internet connections. It is wonderful that we can get internet here in our room. All we have to do is insert a Safaricom stick into a USB port and voile, we’re connected. OK, it’s not always that easy, but it works.

Some of the things we remember about Kenya now that we are here are:
• Chai is a real treat. Chai is made by putting a tea bag and a spoonful of sugar into a cup of hot milk. It tastes really good. We usually have a cup of chai at the end of breakfast and at lunch.
• Fresh fruit, yum! Bananas, oranges, papaya, mango, plums, avocado . . . they all taste so much better when they ripen on the trees.
• Appearances are so important to Kenyans. We dress too casually for them. In Nairobi you see everyone in tailored suits, leather shoes, heels for the ladies! We are wearing our tevas for comfort!

Our Kiswahali is limited, but we have learned to say a few phrases without looking at our notes: Habari ya mchana (What’s the news of the day?)
Waenda salama (go with peace) and mungu akubariki (God bless you.

Settling In

We’re staying at the Floral Hostel for the next four months while we are in language school. It is a guesthouse run by the Consulata Sisters. Two nuns from Italy manage the complex. And complex it is. There is a chapel that offers morning Mass at 6:30 am and weekend Masses. This morning when we attended there were probably about 50 people there, probably two-thirds of them nuns.

Next to the chapel is the dining hall where we take our meals with other paying guests. Breakfast is served at 7:00, lunch at 1:00 and supper at 6:45. The food is placed on a table in the center of the dining room. You fill your own plates and find an empty table to eat. It is a great way to meet other people. This morning we ate with Sister Elizabeth. She is an Italian nun who has been here for ten years. She works in one of the five slums here in Nairobi. Although she is a nurse in Italy, she must take courses for ten months before she can be a registered nurse here. Because the matatu drivers are on strike, public transportation is limited for the next few days. It is too far a distance and too dangerous for her to get to school, so she has moved here until the strike is over.

John and I are in a double room with our own bathroom while Mary is right next door. Our wing is the only wing that allows men. There is another huge building that houses female students that are attending colleges. I’m guessing there are at least 100 girls. They have their own separate dining room. Then there are other support buildings that contain kitchens, laundry, etc.

Today was our first day of language school. It’s called the Anglican Church of Kenya Language and Orientation School. It was originally established in 1965 to train missionaries to speak the national language, Kiswahali, and other local tribal languages. It’s about a half a mile away from where we are staying and took us less than 20 minutes to walk there.

It was a typical first day of class meaning we didn’t do much except go over expectations, schedule, and syllabus. It also didn’t take long for us to take the entrance exam. We are in the correct course, Basic Kiswahali. I could only answer the first three questions! Our schedule will be 9:00 until 10:30 class, 10:30 – 11:00 tea break where we are expected to practice with other students, 11:00 to 12:30 class, 12:30 until 2:00 is lunch and the last class is from 2:00 until 4:00. There will be a different teacher for each class section during the day. We’ll be getting plenty of exercise since we will be walking back to Flora for lunch. That should make two miles a day!

One of the instructors made the comment, “We might not be able to wipe out mother tongue interference.” How true that is. Often we complain that we are not able to understand nonnative English speakers because they don’t pronounce words correctly. Why not? Because they have trouble forming some sounds because they haven’t spent their lifetimes making them. That would be mother tongue interference!

Tomorrow the real work will begin.

We've Arrived

We have arrived in Nairobi safe and sound. I would be happy to fly Emirates Airlines again anytime in the future. We had heard that they were a more upscale airlines. That was more than demonstrated as we had chilled real silverware with our meals, three course meals, warm washcloths to clean our faces, over 150 movies to choose from, 50 TV shows to watch, at least 50 interactive games to play. On that first twelve hour flight they sure came in handy. For me it was a three movie, two Grey’s Anatomys, online crossword puzzle, three meals and two short nap flight. Like Mary said, “I don’t think I’ve ever watched so many movies in one day before!” The seats also moved forward as you leaned back making for a more comfortable ride.

The longest leg of our flight was from New York to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. It is interesting to check the flight map when you are on international flights to see where you are on your route. This map even showed where it was day and night. Our plane even had cameras mounted pointing downward and forward so you could see the scenery as you were flying. It was amazing to see all the ridges of sand in the United Arab Emirates as we were coming down for landing. Sand, sand, sand everywhere. The green was all contained within walls around houses. We’re guessing that the green is all due to cultivation and irrigation. We also think we saw an olive grove with lots and lots of trees.

Vicki was there to meet us as planned. She was starting to get worried about us because we were taking so long to get through customs and baggage claims. One of our checked bags didn’t arrive, so we were filling out the required paperwork. The airlines had already notified Nairobi that the bag wasn’t transferred in Dubai. For some reason they didn’t leave New York with the rest of our things.

As I write this it is raining and thundering. We drove in a short shower this afternoon once we arrived. We are staying at the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers tonight. Father Doug and several other priests gave us a warm welcome. Shortly after we arrived they had a happy hour followed by dinner. We’re looking forward to a warm shower and then bed!

Photos: John and Mary are in line to enter Kenya. John and Vicki. Mary and Father Don.

December Blizzard

It has been a blizzard for us this month in several ways. First of all, we literally had a blizzard on Christmas Eve in Tonganoxie, KS. It started snowing that afternoon and the weather forecasters predicted 8 - 10 inches of snow by Christmas afternoon. It has been our family tradition to attend Midnight Mass followed with breakfast at our house for family members afterward. I was scheduled to play the organ for Mass. As we left home for church John dug out a neighbor lady because she couldnt' get her car into her driveway and was blocking the road. Attendance at Mass was light with only 60 people there. Father jokingly laughed that people that wanted a white Christmas were in big trouble. We had more than enough egg casserole for our traditional midnight breakfast because no other family members were able to get out and get to Mass!

We were involved in a blizzard of activities trying to see people during our short home visit. First we flew to Texas to see my sister, her family and my Dad and Betty for a few days. Our church hosted an Open House for us one evening. It was amazing and overwhelming to see how many people came out just days before Christmas to bid us good-bye and send their well wishes. We only wish the evening could have been longer so we had more time with each person. Then there was John's family Christmas with over 50 people squeezed into his Mom's house and a visit from Santa. Two of our nephews spent a final sleep-over with us giving their parents a quiet night at home while we enjoyed their company seeing a movie and playing games. We both visited school to chat with former co-workers. I had a final Girls Night Out with friends. We managed to squeeze in a couple of visits with John's Mom, his sister and as well as our best friends. There wasn't enough time to visit with everyone.

In between the visits, we were interviewed by a reporter for our local newspaper. If you'd like to read the article we wrote, click here.

We drove in three different snow storms. Even though they all couldn't be classified as blizzards, each was harrowing in it's own way. Driving home from New York with John's sister and husband we got caught in an unexpected ice storm in Pennsylvania. Thanks to the driving skills of both men, we made it through a couple of harrowing hours. Then driving back to New York, John and I just happened to find black ice outside of Louisville, KY. We never found out why traffic was stopped, but three tow trucks drove by while we were stopped. To help pass the time I read to John and we even played cards for awhile. Our final snowstorm was just this morning as we were driving back from visiting Andrea in Oneonta. Snow flurries with no accumulation was predicted for this afternoon. Since we were leaving early in the morning we really weren't concerned. Only an hour into the trip the flurries turned into heavy snow with snow packed roads. I don't think John is going to miss winter driving!

There was a blizzard of activity as we did our final packing. It seems like we have been working on this for weeks. We had several lists of suggested items to take that we used as we made trips to purchase items. Of course several days after shopping we always thought of something else that we ought to take. Our last purchasing trip was just yesterday! John had his own personal method of packing so the best thing for me to do was help set out things and then get out of his way. There was plenty for me to do as I cleaned the apartment, compiled lists of addresses, phone numbers, wrote cards and final emails. We enjoyed one last meal with Sisters Paula and Noel hearing even more stories about their time in Kenya.

I don't know that you could call it a blizzard, but more of a flood of tears as we spent the last "free day" with Andrea. She spent most of her Christmas vacation with us in a strange house without any TV or internet access. What a trooper not to complain, but offering to help in any way that she could. I'm sure it wasn't her best Christmas ever. Now that she is back at school coaching she is in high gear with two practices a day working to get the team back into shape after too many Christmas goodies. We were so glad to be able to spend a day with her eating at a favorite spot and playing pitch that evening. We got in as many hugs and kisses as possible hoping that they will be enough to last until the next we see one another.

As I write this John and I are at a hotel next to the airport. It seems impossible that we fly out tomorrow morning for Kenya. Mary will be arriving within the hour. The flights and layover last about 20 hours and we will arrive in Nairobi about 2:00 on January 2nd. We will be met at the airport by a lay missioner, Vicki Smith. She will take us to the Maryknoll House where we will spent the first night with the priests and brothers. Then we will move to the Flora Hostel on Sunday where we will be living as we attend language school for the next four months. School starts Monday morning at 9:00!

Ready or not, Kenya here we come!